not great but middle of the road

My first experience with enemas today - really don't understand how people use them as a weight loss aid. Mom drove me and Nick came with as a distraction. The bonus was since Mom was there I got some sedation. I was told it would be about a 10 minute procedure.
The nurse was the nicest person ever. He looked at my bruised arms and said he would really work to find an untapped vein. First try looked successful but then went flat. Second try a 1/4" over from the CT vein but successful. After the IV started my body shakes were back - even with the two heated blankets. I don't know if it was nerves or pure determination but even with the same twilight sedation as Tuesday I felt everything today and was awake and monitoring everything they were doing.
I don't know if it had something to do with my breakdown at the hospital last night or what but my pathology that was supposed to take a week was back today and I had instant results of some pathology today. I was wheeled into recovery where the nice nurse brought Nick and Mom in to keep my mind off things.
The findings:
rectal tumor was seen to invade fourth layer with irregular border - wall thickness 8.5mm.
approx. 10 lymph nodes were seen with appearance suggestive of malignant involvement.
three iliac nodes - preliminary cytology consistent with reactive benign nodes.
there is clear echoplane between uterus and the tumor.
given the above - the tumor is staged T3N2.
My GI doctor told me because of the size of the tumor I will probably go for 5-6 weeks of chemo to shrink the tumor before removing it.
I got dressed - Mom insisted on helping and we took a walk around the hospital. We came home and Rob took the afternoon off. After eating some soup I was actually able to sleep for a couple hours. Trying to maintain our routine my parents came over for our weekly Thursday night dinner and Rob's brother Dean joined us. Good laughs and stories - kept my mind free.
I told Ellie tonight - matter of fact she asked if I was sick and I said yes I am. Didn't go into how sick but it felt good to get it off my chest and not hide it.
On the menu tomorrow - I have to pick out a counter top color for the unfinished kitchen in Michigan. I hold the final decision and if we want a kitchen I can cook in Memorial day weekend then I need to make a choice. No doctors tomorrow, hopefully no medical decisions - maybe a call to my primary for some anti-anxiety drugs but other than that I just want a normal day.
Thank you for all the support via phone calls, facebook and emails - I really appreciate it - it does help when I am having a pity party.
I was given a referral to a GI oncologist who I will meet with next Tuesday.