It has been a crappy day

Slept terribly again last night and even woke up with a bad neck. Ellie was already up and downstairs when Nick and I got up. We did the normal morning routine and as soon as Ellie was off on the bus Nick and I headed to Mom's. I pretty much dropped Nick off and headed to Kellogg - early morning. I met Agnes first and we were able to find an office to be alone in. Agnes showed me the colon-ring that could be used in the research study - smaller than I thought and it is made up of two pieces that twist and lock together inside my colon. There are no risks to the apparatus - well the same risks as the alternative - staples. I signed the consent form and Agnes made a copy for me.
After Agnes I checked in to meet with Jennifer - both looking forward to demystifying this ostomy and dreading my possible meltdown. Just like she did when I spoke with her on the phone, Jennifer made me relax. We went up to her office and on the way we were talking about my family and particularly my kids and I was explaining the support system I have going for Ellie at school and Jennifer looked and me and said she honestly hasn't ever thought of this from that standpoint. Jennifer took her time in explaining the process to me and showing me all the supplies I will need to use. She even found a doll for the kids that has an ostomy under its hospital gown. We laughed - I held back tears but I think I generally got to be as comfortable with the whole idea as I can get. At the conclusion of my appointment she marked me for the ostomy and she was thorough beyond belief - she marked once when I was laying down, once when I stood up, once when I was sitting and finally once when I bent over. She then encompassed all those spots into the circle template that will be my stoma - an ugly looking red "bagel" of skin. I'll be honest, it is a hole bunch lower than I thought it was going to be and I am still not sure of the logistics but I am positive I can get it to work.
I stopped back at Kellogg to get all my blood work done - the phlebotomist there is the best - Gwen. I never bruise and she can always locate my rolling vein without pain - today was no exception. Gwen took about 6 vials of blood and I was on my way. I went back to Mom's and we had lunch. Nick played with blocks and zoned out while Mom and I went online to do some research on my supplement shopping list from yesterday. Nick and I came home to get Ellie and I noticed something must be attracting the ants to our front porch - they were swarming the front door area - yuck.
When I walked to the bus stop I was met by a negative force - another Mom who felt the need to push her beliefs on me. I have made it through a stage III cancer diagnosis, radiation, chemotherapy - all the huge ups and downs these past few months without soliciting others beliefs and I am just so very pissed off that this woman kind of attacked me today. The general gist for those who might have seen Where the Heart Is (about 10 years ago with Natalie Portman living in Walmart and having her baby there) its like the couple that keeps coming around from Mississippi to offer their beliefs. Basically, Satan is living in me - encompassed in my tumor and cancer - blah, blah, blah - I am really pissed off. Faith or spirituality aren't things I discuss at a bus stop with someone I casually talk to for 2 minutes a day - and what gives anyone the right to question that what I believe is wrong - I have made it this far without troubling you for your sympathies - I manage to get up each morning and give it my all even though some days I get up thinking this sucks.
It unfortunately did not end at the bus stop - low and behold I was outside playing with the kids when she walked over some sermons and literature to a 10 day spiritual healing - and what do you know I have 10 days until surgery. It really took all I had not to hurl it into the street and scream. Thus facebook rants - thanks for listening. I came inside and cried - all this healing I am trying to do - trying to find my happy place - trying to ground my snowball thoughts - she really messed with me.
Mom and Dad came over for dinner and I enjoyed a nice fresh fruit salad - Jennifer told me raw fruit in moderation will be okay with the ileostomy - which was so great to hear. I am practicing my deep breathing while blogging and my Mom reminded me to insert some pressure to the centering and grounding ear seeds. Visualising my healthy body, a speedy recovery, being cancer free and believing in the new normal me - whatever it shall be, Tree