Backwards post today because I need to vent about what just happened but a warning that it is totally gross. Sometime this afternoon, Nick was sitting with me on the couch and then did some weird move and landed on Scarlett - there was a pop noise. I checked things out when I went to the washroom but things looked to be fine and I wasn't sure what the noise was. Flash forward about 6 hours - I get up from the couch and I am just dripping wet - not with sweat. I am not sure if it was Nick's jumping move or my lack of discipline (I ate popcorn today - an ostomy no no) or something else but Scarlett has a tear. It is tiny and on the underneath side but definitely doesn't belong there. I called Mom and talked my plan through with her because calling my surgeon at 9:30PM on a Saturday night I don't think was going to get me where I needed to be. I also don't want to go the the ER because I don't think they are the best option to fix my problem - after all, I don't want anymore scars.
Rob helped me as I built up layers of powder and sealant and then helped center a new wafer - I guess I will just see in the morning what is happening and I will put a call into Dr. Muldoon - I really don't want to have to have anything done so close to the reversal of Scarlett. I am frustrated with this because of the disgusting factor and because I want the new me not some defected me.
Now I will rewind - we were all up relatively early. We did some laundry and had breakfast and then we got dressed. We went to see Rango today - we got there early and were glad we did because it was a packed theatre by the time the movie began. The popcorn smelled so good I just was overcome by the desire to eat it - might have been a contributing factor in the tear - I hope not because I can just hear the lecture I might get. The movie was funny for both the kids and the adults but was a bit on the violent end.
We came home after the movie and the kids played games for a bit and then Nick came to cuddle by me and Rob and Ellie ran out to the store. It was during this cuddling episode that the pop came into play. I played wii cooking wars with Ellie while Rob and Nick played in the workshop. I fixed Ellie a nice bubble bath while Rob and Nick streamed Wallace & Grommit. I had made plans with Mom to go to Big Lots tonight - she had 20% off. Mom and Dad came to pick me up around 6PM and I had dinner ready to go into the oven for Rob and the kids.
We did our Big Lots run and then worked our way carefully back home -picking up pizza along the way. Rob was putting the kiddos to bed when I got home so I fixed myself some pizza and tea and went to hang out in the back room. All was fine until I got up and knew something was wrong. Agggh - frustrated still.
My hands are terrible - they are cracking and peeling and uncomfortable. My feet are all sorts of tingly and I am just making it a point not to look at them. My mouth and gums are so gross - I still haven't tried my magic mouth wash - there are just so many limitations I can handle at one time. I can't eat or drink for an hour after gargling with the wash - so it involves planning. Scarlett, in addition to the tear, is all sorts of unhappy and is very broken down and bloody. I am so happy to be done with chemo but the after-effects of this last infusion majorly suck. Strongly visualising my healthy and continually healing body and the new normal - hopefully appearing sooner than later, Tree
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WOW...what a post. What a crappy (no pun intended) development. Just when you think things are becoming manageable, a major kink comes along. If the build up doesn't work, put a call in to Muldoon in the morning. Dad and I will take the kids so that you can do whatever needs to be done. Hopefully this will just be a lot of thinking and things will seal...truly positive thinking! Hopefully you'll get some sleep...try to stay flat. We'll talk in the morning. Love ya, Mom
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