Rob and I stayed up and talked through whatever was on last night - Rob went up after weather and I found Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion was one. I don't think I shared this before but long story shorter is that this movie came out a bit before Rob and I got married and there is a dance scene towards the end of the movie involving Romy, Michelle and Sandy (the boy who loved Michelle all during school and came to the reunion to find her). Jo and I were pretty much convinced that we needed to re-create that dance at my wedding with Rob - it is silly, bizarre and we were young(er). Jo and I practiced but never were able to get all the details down - I tried to get Jo to practice again when she married Ole but Jo came up with a plethora of excuses. Fast forward to the night before my surgery where Jo texted me "Whoo! Watch out Tucson! Here we come." "LOL." I texted back asking if she was drinking and No I had no clue where that was from. We texted back and forth for over an hour with Romy & Michelle quotes - I knew she was trying to take my mind off things but all I could do was cry. Any ways - I watched our movie last night and tried to commit to memory every line in the movie.
It was a big day here - Nick's first day of preschool and my follow up with Dr. Marsh. We all got dressed and Ellie went off to the bus stop. Nick watched Curious George until it was time to leave for school. He kept asking if I would come in with him and I kept saying we would have to see what other Mommy's were doing (knowing full well I was driving and not getting out of my seat and Rob was going to take him in).We got to school and luckily there were no free parking spots and we had to pull up in the circle and I told him I was going to have to stay in the car since I wasn't parked. Mrs. Dunham whisked him in and got him instantly involved in activity. Rob and I took advantage of our free time and went grocery shopping.
Ellie has "Around the World in 80 Minutes" next week - basically a parent represents each of the 7 continents either with food, artifacts, stories or music. I said I would volunteer to do Europe since that is the majority of our ancestry. I was able to pick up pretzel crackers from Germany and cheese tortellini at the store and we still will get French bread and cheese and chocolate from Poland. I figure I am not the only parent from Europe and I don't need to be super outgoing out of guilt. Rob and I came home and put the groceries away and were able to relax and read the newspaper - it was odd.
We went to pick up Nick - I got out of the car this time. They were having circle time outside and before Nick even saw me or the car he was standing up asking to get his coat on and then once he saw me he tried to skip out on circle time. He had good stories and thoughts about his first day - he didn't say he was never going back and I didn't cry. I had a special first day of school present - a wooden Henry train and tender for his Thomas set. We came home and had ice cream before lunch to celebrate - Nick couldn't even finish his before he was upstairs playing with his trains.
I left for my Dr. Marsh appointment at Kellogg. I got there and checked in and headed upstairs to wait until Margaret came to get me. It was a long appointment because I turned into an emotional wreck. It started out ok - Margaret weighed me - I have lost 3 pounds since surgery but I am 3 pounds heavier than when I weighed myself last week. Margaret asked how things have been since the hospital and then told me she has discussed my compezine reaction with many nurses and doctors in the past couple weeks and no one had ever heard of the spasms going on for as long as they did or that benadryl alone didn't fix it. I reminded her that Rob had just said in the car today that I am the 1% (meaning if there is a 1% chance something will go wrong or have an adverse reaction I am the 1%). I asked about the study that was just released today in the Cancer Journal involving mice being given fish oil (in high and low doses) and the mice having rapidly spreading colon cancer in weeks. Margaret hadn't heard of the study yet but was pretty certain that it couldn't be right since so many people take some form of fish oil and there hasn't been a pandemic colon cancer effect. I know I am still trying to blame something for my cancer but I do think it is a bit fishy (hahaha) that I started taking a fish oil supplement for the first time when I was pregnant with Nick and then continued to take a supplement while breastfeeding Nick - all in all about 2 years or so ending the supplement around the same time as my "symptoms" really started.
Margaret started talking about the port procedure and beginning chemo and I informed her I would really like to start chemo after November 13th - the Girls on the Run 5K. This would be the initial break down point. I told Margaret I was positive thinking about the colo-ring and its disappearance before my appointment on Monday. She wasn't aware of the colo-ring and I said it even showed up in my chest x-ray. Margaret pulled up my x-ray and sure enough there in my pelvis is a ring. I did read on the website that most rings naturally fall out between 7-10 days pot-op. Margaret did give me a good laugh when she asked if I was certain it was still "installed" and I said I couldn't be certain because I hadn't really been digging around. Margaret went and got Dr. Marsh who came in with his small talk about how things have been but quickly jumped into chemo. In his medical opinion I should get the port installed and start chemo between 6-8 weeks post-op (meaning the next two weeks). He explained how if there are any cancer cells in me they won't be sleeping - they will be multiplying. I really broke down - I am talking 3 additional weeks. I asked him his thoughts of me starting xeloda again in the interim - a though he hadn't had and low and behold a compromise. He could only give me whole figures - in a group of 1,000 people answers - well unless he could tell me for certain that those 3 weeks were going to take years away from me I am willing to compromise.
Dr. Marsh questioned the xeloda and if that wouldn't have the same effects as IV chemo - wouldn't I be tired, run-down - I said I didn't know because I have only had it in tandem with radiation but I was willing to try. Dr. Marsh gave me some more pathology related info - my original tumor was 10 cm in length and was 2.5 cm at surgery removal. He said that if I would have had surgery the week of diagnosis that possibly as many as 20-25 lymph nodes would have been cancerous. This provided proof that 6 weeks of pre-op chemo and radiation did work but also proof that this cancer was aggressive since it was still present. Dr. Marsh checked me out an said everything looked and sounded good.
I will have a post-op CT scan on Monday and I will feel much more confident about my decision to put IV chemo off for a month if the scan shows nothing - as it should. Pending the ok from Dr. Muldoon on Monday, I will begin xeloda on Tuesday for 2 weeks. I will get my port put in the first week of November and start folfox6 (my chemo cocktail of Leucovorin, 5-FU (which is the medical name for xeloda) and Oxaliplatin). The infusions will take place on Tuesdays and will take 4-5 hours and the 5-FU remains as an active infusion for 46 hours then I come back in and they remove it on Thursday. I will have 8 infusions over 4 months.
I left the hospital and couldn't stop crying the entire way home - it is a bunch to think about and then I keep thinking how Dr. Marsh has always explained my journey as a sledding hill - the first phase is the worse and then you just coast down the hill but I am feeling like I a climbing that hill. The pre-op chemo and radiation were apiece of cake compared to the hospital mess and I am just so un-sure of the post-op chemo. I am hoping it will be like coasting down the last part of that sledding hill. I got home and commiserated with Rob. He got Ellie off the bus and we did a bit of homework before she left for her Run. I called Mom to complain and cry. I heard a weird noise in our yard - it sounded like a lawnmower starting except we don't have a working one right now. I went outside and Nick had somehow made his in-operable power wheel jeep run. You should have seen his face and heard his laugh - Rob and I were cracking up watching him. I am thankful he has been learning to steer his trike because he was able to steer this jeep except the brake is a foreign concept and he just runs into things and people. What was hysterical was he seat belted himself every time he got in - I think he maybe should be wearing his helmet too.
I picked Ellie up from school and got to catch Christi up on my insanity. We came home and I worked on Ellie to finish up her homework then the kids played outside for a bit. Nick came in crying and that's when I realized I hadn't eaten lunch and my tummy was very ready for dinner. We tried Chinese tonight - will let you know tomorrow how it went. I stuck to lo mein and tried some broccoli. Ellie took her shower while Nick and I picked up dinner. After dinner Rob gave Nick his bath while Ellie and I watched some Halloween movie on Disney. Rob got both of the kids to bed and I have been blogging forever. I think I will just not be sleeping for the next 5 months or so, visualising my healthy body, my continued healthy recovery and the new normal me - whomever that shall be, Tree
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Bargain of the day
Rob and I watched Parenthood and some news before Rob went up to bed - I stayed up and watched Frida (Frida Kahlo). I went up a bit after midnight - slept a bit better with then fan off but was still cold. Nick woke up with Ellie and Rob this morning but refused to go downstairs with them and instead tortured me until I finally said ok. We came down and had breakfast and got Ellie ready for school. I did some laundry and took a shower. Rob and Nick went out to check what our landscapers were doing.
I have discovered that both Ellie and Nick have grown over the summer - very apparent when they put on their pants from last spring and they are floating inches above their ankles. I decided it was thrifting day - we hit my favorite shop in Glenview and Salvation in Morton Grove. We found nothing in Glenview - slim pickings - much the same at Salvation, although I did get a new with tags felted purse that is super cute for the fall. I paid $1.56 and it is listed on eBay for $50.00 - can't resell it though cause it truly is super cute.
We came home and had lunch before getting ready for our play date with Christi and Su'nana. Nick and I walked over (probably the longest walk I have taken since surgery). I decided that if I get cleared (which I don't think will be a problem) by my doctors to do the 5K with Ellie my plan is to increase my walking by 1/2 a mile a week to build up to the 5K. We got to Christi's and the kids played nicely together while C and I caught up. Rob was over to do some tile work but left us after he was done. Nick and I walked home after our play date and Rob and Nick went to get Ellie from the bus stop. I helped Ellie with her homework and packed up our food for Millietime.
We went over to Mom's - changed Scarlett's "clothes" and the kids played while Mom got her Millietime food ready. I asked Jo if she wanted to meet Scarlett but she is pretty grossed out about Scarlett and said no. However, Jo's co-worker Marcia did say she would meet Scarlett - long story but Jo was on the phone with her and I thought it was Ole. We were at Mrs. B's house tonight and she provided an anti-oxidant rich spread. There was a good mix of food - I tried a couple raspberries and strawberries - we will see how that works. It was nice to see everyone - especially nice to see everyone when I wasn't in a hospital bed. The Millie's also said they wouldn't mind meeting Scarlett (in all fairness they all saw my entire radiation marked butt) - Scarlett didn't come out and play this evening possibly next time. Oh, I forgot to mention Jeremy from Mark Drud called this morning to tell me my approval finally came through and I could place my order - just in time, too.
We got home from Millies just a couple minutes ahead of Rob getting home (he took his free time to go see Wall Street). Rob put the kids to bed and I started blogging. Big day tomorrow - Nick's first day of preschool (alone) and my oncology appointment where I am going to try to persuade Dr. Marsh to start my post-op chemo mid-November provided it won't have any major consequences. I don't have an appointment with Patricia this week - maybe I will try to get in on Friday - I am really feeling the need for some sleep ear seeds. No real complaints today other than being tired and not napping. Visualising my healthy body, my continued healthy recovery and the new normal me - whomever that shall be, Tree
I have discovered that both Ellie and Nick have grown over the summer - very apparent when they put on their pants from last spring and they are floating inches above their ankles. I decided it was thrifting day - we hit my favorite shop in Glenview and Salvation in Morton Grove. We found nothing in Glenview - slim pickings - much the same at Salvation, although I did get a new with tags felted purse that is super cute for the fall. I paid $1.56 and it is listed on eBay for $50.00 - can't resell it though cause it truly is super cute.
We came home and had lunch before getting ready for our play date with Christi and Su'nana. Nick and I walked over (probably the longest walk I have taken since surgery). I decided that if I get cleared (which I don't think will be a problem) by my doctors to do the 5K with Ellie my plan is to increase my walking by 1/2 a mile a week to build up to the 5K. We got to Christi's and the kids played nicely together while C and I caught up. Rob was over to do some tile work but left us after he was done. Nick and I walked home after our play date and Rob and Nick went to get Ellie from the bus stop. I helped Ellie with her homework and packed up our food for Millietime.
We went over to Mom's - changed Scarlett's "clothes" and the kids played while Mom got her Millietime food ready. I asked Jo if she wanted to meet Scarlett but she is pretty grossed out about Scarlett and said no. However, Jo's co-worker Marcia did say she would meet Scarlett - long story but Jo was on the phone with her and I thought it was Ole. We were at Mrs. B's house tonight and she provided an anti-oxidant rich spread. There was a good mix of food - I tried a couple raspberries and strawberries - we will see how that works. It was nice to see everyone - especially nice to see everyone when I wasn't in a hospital bed. The Millie's also said they wouldn't mind meeting Scarlett (in all fairness they all saw my entire radiation marked butt) - Scarlett didn't come out and play this evening possibly next time. Oh, I forgot to mention Jeremy from Mark Drud called this morning to tell me my approval finally came through and I could place my order - just in time, too.
We got home from Millies just a couple minutes ahead of Rob getting home (he took his free time to go see Wall Street). Rob put the kids to bed and I started blogging. Big day tomorrow - Nick's first day of preschool (alone) and my oncology appointment where I am going to try to persuade Dr. Marsh to start my post-op chemo mid-November provided it won't have any major consequences. I don't have an appointment with Patricia this week - maybe I will try to get in on Friday - I am really feeling the need for some sleep ear seeds. No real complaints today other than being tired and not napping. Visualising my healthy body, my continued healthy recovery and the new normal me - whomever that shall be, Tree
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
I didn't cry
Rob and I started watching Weeds last night - pretty funny. Rob went up after the news and I stayed up and watched crappy cable - no movies on that were any good. I couldn't get warm in bed last night - we had the ceiling fan on and I really wanted to turn it off but that involved getting up and I was too cold. With this week getting warm again its not worth putting on the heat but upstairs is cold.
Nick and I got up at our usual time and got clothes for Ellie and kissed her goodbye before she went off to the bus. Rob, Nick and I just hung out around here this morning - I actually fell back to sleep on the couch for about an hour. We got ready for Nick's big preschool open house - he wanted to go today. We were met in the lobby by one of the high school students who put a name tag necklace of Nick (the high school mascot is wolves so the preschool is little cubbies). Nick wore his cub print name tag with pride. We were walked down to the preschool and Nick was led into the preschool room while Rob and I were in the classroom for orientation.
Nick did so well - no hesitation going on his own and we got to peek through the glass to see him and he was enjoying himself. We learned he will get to have snack at school and got the calendar for the year so we know what unit is each week and when Nick will be Star Student. During orientation the kids made a train (hands on the person in front of you) and went to wash their hands for snack. I noticed Nick was the last kid eating snack and he was entertaining 2 high school girls - trouble. We joined Nick and he showed us the kitchen and how he could make us eggs. We got to go outside and play in the playground for a bit - Nick so wanted to discover the playground and was thrilled that there were trikes. Nick got a litte cubbie backpack (embroidered with his name) and a t-shirt today - when we left he put his backpack on to walk to the car. I told him Ellie was going to be so jealous that his backpack had his name on it. I made it through the entire orientation without crying - yeah!
We came home for lunch and after lunch Rob and Nick went out to paint another coat on our pumpkins and ghosts and to just enjoy the day. I tried to nap but had a difficult time settling down. Rob and Nick got Ellie off the bus and I helped Ellie with homework before Rob took her back to school for Girls on the Run. Nick helped me get out our indoor Halloween - he was thrilled to re-discover all the singing/musical toys - he sets them all off in tandem. Rob went to pick Ellie up and I helped her finish up her homework. We all worked on our lights outside - the bats hanging from the second floor windows look so cool. We put purple lights on all the bushes and then Ellie hung the pumpkin and the ghost from the inside windows. I started dinner while Rob did bath time. We have eaten all of our left overs and no one was very committal about dinner so we had breakfast for dinner - cheesy eggs and potato pancakes with cherry applesauce. We all had ice cream before we went out in the dark to look at our decorations - while we still aren't at the neighbors level - our house looks pretty neat. Rob took Nick up for bed and Ellie and I relaxed on the couch until we heard Rob's footsteps on the floor letting us know it was Ellie's time.
Dancing with the Stars will be on in a couple minutes and I am hoping they decide two people should go home. No colo-ring today - I have high hopes for the next 6 days. Scarlett has been good today with just a pang of pain. I called Mark Drugs to find out the status of my ostomy products and was told they never heard anything from wither doctor. I opened up my computer to look up my doctors phone number and found that I had just received an email from the office saying my supplies had been ordered and I should have a nice day. I called Mark Drug back and let Jeremy know that and he took the phone number and called himself. When we got back from the orientation there was a message from Jeremy saying the lady who had sent me the email had no clue what she was doing but he was talking to authorizations and let them know the urgency of my referral (I have one good bag left). I got my samples from another ostomy company and they were horrible - their bags are complete plastic - think cheap kids raincoat - bad - real bad.
Last night out of boredom I started googling retro cancer and stupid cancer and found some darling sites with some very funny cancer products. Most had retro men or women (think 50s Mom/Dad or 40s pin up girls) - my new favorite is a lady with the saying Hey Cancer - you picked the wrong bitch! Others that were up for consideration -Fighting cancer and still fabulous, Cancer - all the pretty people have it and What's up your butt? Find out early, get screened. There are a bunch of chemo one too - might have to pick one out soon.
Visualising my healthy body, my continued healthy recovery and the new normal me - whomever that shall be, Tree
Nick and I got up at our usual time and got clothes for Ellie and kissed her goodbye before she went off to the bus. Rob, Nick and I just hung out around here this morning - I actually fell back to sleep on the couch for about an hour. We got ready for Nick's big preschool open house - he wanted to go today. We were met in the lobby by one of the high school students who put a name tag necklace of Nick (the high school mascot is wolves so the preschool is little cubbies). Nick wore his cub print name tag with pride. We were walked down to the preschool and Nick was led into the preschool room while Rob and I were in the classroom for orientation.
Nick did so well - no hesitation going on his own and we got to peek through the glass to see him and he was enjoying himself. We learned he will get to have snack at school and got the calendar for the year so we know what unit is each week and when Nick will be Star Student. During orientation the kids made a train (hands on the person in front of you) and went to wash their hands for snack. I noticed Nick was the last kid eating snack and he was entertaining 2 high school girls - trouble. We joined Nick and he showed us the kitchen and how he could make us eggs. We got to go outside and play in the playground for a bit - Nick so wanted to discover the playground and was thrilled that there were trikes. Nick got a litte cubbie backpack (embroidered with his name) and a t-shirt today - when we left he put his backpack on to walk to the car. I told him Ellie was going to be so jealous that his backpack had his name on it. I made it through the entire orientation without crying - yeah!
We came home for lunch and after lunch Rob and Nick went out to paint another coat on our pumpkins and ghosts and to just enjoy the day. I tried to nap but had a difficult time settling down. Rob and Nick got Ellie off the bus and I helped Ellie with homework before Rob took her back to school for Girls on the Run. Nick helped me get out our indoor Halloween - he was thrilled to re-discover all the singing/musical toys - he sets them all off in tandem. Rob went to pick Ellie up and I helped her finish up her homework. We all worked on our lights outside - the bats hanging from the second floor windows look so cool. We put purple lights on all the bushes and then Ellie hung the pumpkin and the ghost from the inside windows. I started dinner while Rob did bath time. We have eaten all of our left overs and no one was very committal about dinner so we had breakfast for dinner - cheesy eggs and potato pancakes with cherry applesauce. We all had ice cream before we went out in the dark to look at our decorations - while we still aren't at the neighbors level - our house looks pretty neat. Rob took Nick up for bed and Ellie and I relaxed on the couch until we heard Rob's footsteps on the floor letting us know it was Ellie's time.
Dancing with the Stars will be on in a couple minutes and I am hoping they decide two people should go home. No colo-ring today - I have high hopes for the next 6 days. Scarlett has been good today with just a pang of pain. I called Mark Drugs to find out the status of my ostomy products and was told they never heard anything from wither doctor. I opened up my computer to look up my doctors phone number and found that I had just received an email from the office saying my supplies had been ordered and I should have a nice day. I called Mark Drug back and let Jeremy know that and he took the phone number and called himself. When we got back from the orientation there was a message from Jeremy saying the lady who had sent me the email had no clue what she was doing but he was talking to authorizations and let them know the urgency of my referral (I have one good bag left). I got my samples from another ostomy company and they were horrible - their bags are complete plastic - think cheap kids raincoat - bad - real bad.
Last night out of boredom I started googling retro cancer and stupid cancer and found some darling sites with some very funny cancer products. Most had retro men or women (think 50s Mom/Dad or 40s pin up girls) - my new favorite is a lady with the saying Hey Cancer - you picked the wrong bitch! Others that were up for consideration -Fighting cancer and still fabulous, Cancer - all the pretty people have it and What's up your butt? Find out early, get screened. There are a bunch of chemo one too - might have to pick one out soon.
Visualising my healthy body, my continued healthy recovery and the new normal me - whomever that shall be, Tree
Monday, October 4, 2010
Let me introduce you to....
I didn't get one response to my naming request - either people are grossed out with this proposition, not reading my blog (which I know is impossible) or simply want to be innocent bystanders and let the "parent" name her "child." I called Mom late last night on an un-related matter but got around to Jules request to name my stoma and we decided it should be a "S" name - so I googled names that begin with the letter S. Originally, Stanley slid off the tongue - Mom got a laugh in originally saying it should be female but only a male would put me through so much shit - hahaha. I started looking through name meanings and there were a few that really just jumped off the page with meaning - alphabetically (of course) Sakura - cherry blossom - this was nice but in truth cherry blossoms aren't red but pink. Salene - dignified one - yeah right. Salus - the goddess of health - nice but not quite there. Samira - entertaining - and that it is. Sequoia - giant redwood tree - well kind of. Sheldon - a town in a valley - well Jen has referred to the area under my stoma as a valley. Socorro - helper - well technically, I guess. Stanley - rocky meadow - along that valley front I think of meadow and there is a big "rock." Sutton - town to the south - again, on a technicality it is south of my belly button. And finally - I know you are all waiting - the winner is Scarlett - simply red. For the first time in public - let me introduce you to Scarlett the Stoma. Also, if you are looking for a laugh - I was on etsy.com ( a virtual craft fair) last night and out of curiosity I searched "ostomy" - I was thinking I might find some decorative bags or belts but no I found this -http://www.etsy.com/listing/44970150/the-ileum-and-the-ostomy?ref=sr_gallery_1&ga_search_query=ostomy&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&order=&includes%5B0%5D=tags&includes%5B1%5D=title - here is the link and I highly suggest it for a very funny look at what the world has come to.
Rob and I flipped back and forth between the Bears game and Desperate and Brothers and Sisters. Rob went up when there was seconds left on the clock and no hope for the Bears to rebound. I stayed up and watched some of the news and then put something on but honestly can't recall what I watched - I ended up falling asleep on the couch and waking up around 1AM. I crawled into bed and fell asleep. Nick and I slept in later than Rob and Ellie but I was up in time to get Ellie's clothes out and say goodbye before she went off to school. I took a shower and got clothes for Nick out. Rob and Nick left for their day of park adventures and I called Mom to see what her plans were. Mom said she would head over in a bit to pick me up - we went to Trader Joe's to do some grocery shopping. I was able to pick up easy dinner stuff for the week. We drove through Portillos to pick up lunch and came back here to eat.
Nick and Rob came back while we were eating and decided to do some Halloween work outside. Rob had some left over wood from the crates that the big tools were shipped in so he cut out a couple pumpkins and ghosts for the kids to paint for the front yard. Nick kept bringing each one in and it was playing inkblots - while it could be a pumpkin it could also be an apple or a clove of garlic - endless possibilities. Mom and I zoned out on the couch and Rob took Nick to the park down the street before heading to get Ellie off the bus. Ellie came in and did her homework and then headed out to paint her pumpkin - they came out looking very nice.
Our neighbor, Kevin - who works with Rob at North, dropped by two huge baskets and a giant envelope "from the people at North." I honestly have no words to describe how grateful I am to Rob's friends at work. There was a humongous fruit basket that when the kids saw it instantly asked to have an orange cut up and another basket with home-made bread, chocolates, candies "just for the kids" with a bag of coins for them, gift cards to a number of different places - it was a Mary Poppins basket - we just kept pulling things out. There was a vase of the most incredible smelling lilies - they are like perfume that have infused our house. In the giant envelope were three giant cards filled with well wishes from Rob's co-workers and obviously his friends - who care deeply for Rob and our family. We are overwhelmed with emotion - this was totally un-expected and truly appreciated.
I walked Mom out to her car and the kids were out playing - we have a wacky situation up the street from us - this man is picketing one of our neighbors who runs a business out of his house. The man is there daily - and so are the police - I just hope is ends nicely and without anyone getting hurt. As the sun dipped down further in the sky the temperature also dipped and it was time to come in. I told Rob I needed 20 minutes to close my eyes - he gave me 30 and even gave the kiddos their baths. Rob started dinner and I got plates out and helped. We ate dinner together and enjoyed more fruit from the basket. Ellie read some books to Nick and Rob took his shower. It was vitamin time and then bed time - trying a new routine but I hear lots of walking around upstairs.
Scarlett is giving me a hard time today - I feel a lot of tugging underneath. I am putting out a request for some collective positive thinking - when I had my surgery I was part of the colo-ring study (this was how Dr. Muldoon "sealed" my new colon. I have my follow-up appointment next Monday and the ring hasn't made its way out yet - well at least not that I am aware of. Any how - the collective positive thinking comes into play because if it hasn't fallen out Dr. Mulddon will be removing it in his office next Monday - with some form of sedation - not sure if that would be lidocaine or valium but I am sure it won't be comfortable or pleasant - so, please if you have a moment to spare on positive thinking - let the ring fall out on its own. I guess if you brain is willing to have one more positive thought it would be to let Dr. Marsh be sympathetic to my emotions and request to begin chemo in a month instead of now. My shoulder is better today but my lower back pain is back - I am just going to stop complaining about that.
Nick has his preschool open house tomorrow morning - he goes back and forth between excitement and telling us he's not going. I am hoping I am not a wreck with tears but its only the open house. Visualising my healthy body, my continued healthy recovery and the new normal me - whomever that shall be, Tree
Rob and I flipped back and forth between the Bears game and Desperate and Brothers and Sisters. Rob went up when there was seconds left on the clock and no hope for the Bears to rebound. I stayed up and watched some of the news and then put something on but honestly can't recall what I watched - I ended up falling asleep on the couch and waking up around 1AM. I crawled into bed and fell asleep. Nick and I slept in later than Rob and Ellie but I was up in time to get Ellie's clothes out and say goodbye before she went off to school. I took a shower and got clothes for Nick out. Rob and Nick left for their day of park adventures and I called Mom to see what her plans were. Mom said she would head over in a bit to pick me up - we went to Trader Joe's to do some grocery shopping. I was able to pick up easy dinner stuff for the week. We drove through Portillos to pick up lunch and came back here to eat.
Nick and Rob came back while we were eating and decided to do some Halloween work outside. Rob had some left over wood from the crates that the big tools were shipped in so he cut out a couple pumpkins and ghosts for the kids to paint for the front yard. Nick kept bringing each one in and it was playing inkblots - while it could be a pumpkin it could also be an apple or a clove of garlic - endless possibilities. Mom and I zoned out on the couch and Rob took Nick to the park down the street before heading to get Ellie off the bus. Ellie came in and did her homework and then headed out to paint her pumpkin - they came out looking very nice.
Our neighbor, Kevin - who works with Rob at North, dropped by two huge baskets and a giant envelope "from the people at North." I honestly have no words to describe how grateful I am to Rob's friends at work. There was a humongous fruit basket that when the kids saw it instantly asked to have an orange cut up and another basket with home-made bread, chocolates, candies "just for the kids" with a bag of coins for them, gift cards to a number of different places - it was a Mary Poppins basket - we just kept pulling things out. There was a vase of the most incredible smelling lilies - they are like perfume that have infused our house. In the giant envelope were three giant cards filled with well wishes from Rob's co-workers and obviously his friends - who care deeply for Rob and our family. We are overwhelmed with emotion - this was totally un-expected and truly appreciated.
I walked Mom out to her car and the kids were out playing - we have a wacky situation up the street from us - this man is picketing one of our neighbors who runs a business out of his house. The man is there daily - and so are the police - I just hope is ends nicely and without anyone getting hurt. As the sun dipped down further in the sky the temperature also dipped and it was time to come in. I told Rob I needed 20 minutes to close my eyes - he gave me 30 and even gave the kiddos their baths. Rob started dinner and I got plates out and helped. We ate dinner together and enjoyed more fruit from the basket. Ellie read some books to Nick and Rob took his shower. It was vitamin time and then bed time - trying a new routine but I hear lots of walking around upstairs.
Scarlett is giving me a hard time today - I feel a lot of tugging underneath. I am putting out a request for some collective positive thinking - when I had my surgery I was part of the colo-ring study (this was how Dr. Muldoon "sealed" my new colon. I have my follow-up appointment next Monday and the ring hasn't made its way out yet - well at least not that I am aware of. Any how - the collective positive thinking comes into play because if it hasn't fallen out Dr. Mulddon will be removing it in his office next Monday - with some form of sedation - not sure if that would be lidocaine or valium but I am sure it won't be comfortable or pleasant - so, please if you have a moment to spare on positive thinking - let the ring fall out on its own. I guess if you brain is willing to have one more positive thought it would be to let Dr. Marsh be sympathetic to my emotions and request to begin chemo in a month instead of now. My shoulder is better today but my lower back pain is back - I am just going to stop complaining about that.
Nick has his preschool open house tomorrow morning - he goes back and forth between excitement and telling us he's not going. I am hoping I am not a wreck with tears but its only the open house. Visualising my healthy body, my continued healthy recovery and the new normal me - whomever that shall be, Tree
Sunday, October 3, 2010
It has been a never ending day
Rob came home around 10 last night - we watched some tv and both decided to go up around 11:30. I had only a little trouble falling asleep last night but I couldn't get into a deep sleep. Typical morning - Nick crawling in bed and attempting to get me up except today had the added bonus of Nick telling me the bed was wet - ok - I am up. Stripped the sheets and mattress pad and Nick. It was a hurried morning - Ellie had the opportunity to sing with the children's group at church and I wanted to go to hear her but she needed to be there early to practice.
We got to church just a couple minutes late - we got to preview Ellie singing while we waited. We sat in the back row - my first public experience with my ilestomy and I was just hoping it would behave and not make too many embarrassing noises - which it really didn't. Nick wouldn't go to nursery unless I came with him - so I stayed with him and we played with the trains. When service was over the children's group got together to sing - I was proud of Ellie. Our friend Jill gave me a goodie bag of anti-oxidants - I have to confess that it was opened as soon as we got home.
We stopped at Menards on the way home and picked up a couple new things for Halloween - our new neighbors are making our house look pitiful. We got a pumpkin and ghost that light up for the front windows and some bat lights we are hoping to hang from the second floor and some ghost lawn stakes. We came home and I crashed on the couch for a little bit but woke up in time to go to the open house for the new Skokie police department.
We tried to find parking in the 3 parking lots they had reserved for the open house - it was packed. We finally found a spot and walked over - Nick insisted on wearing his police costume with this hat (it is a multi-purpose hat but truly a pilot hat). We waited in line about 30 minutes before we were led in. It is a beautiful, light and airy building compared to the dark cave like building they are currently in. We got to see all the station but the department hasn't moved in yet so we really saw a bunch of empty desks and cubicles. It is funny, I think of Skokie being sort of small but yet we now have this huge police station and when you hear how many officers and investigators there are you kind of wonder what you don't know about your city. About half way through the tour we pulled ahead of our group - the new carpet smell and the smell of rubber were getting to me and I was starting to feel a bit sick.
We left with our goodie bags - police badges, pencils and rulers and headed to Mom's for family Sunday. Grandma and Grandpa GG were already there - they brought pizza - yum. Jo, Ole and and Tony didn't join us because Jo wasn't feeling so well - missed them. We had a nice dinner - Mom made roasted butternut squash, applesauce and had a salad and sliced mango to go with the pizza. Mom even had a separate bowl of avocado for me separate from the salad. We ate and had nice conversation - Nick ate caveman style and neglected to use his utensils - kind of interesting with applesauce. After I finished eating I passed out on the sofa - I was striving for a nap but it kind of just happened - Dad pulled a blanket out and covered me and that was it. Uncle Bill came while I slept and dessert was served - I couldn't eat another thing - even the carrot cake I had requested.
We left pretty soon after I woke up - we came home and put some of the ghost stakes together. I changed out all of our sheets - put flannel on the kids beds. Got some more laundry done before getting the bath ready for Nick - Rob gave him his bath. Ellie finished the ghosts and took a quick shower. Nick did some puzzles and Ellie played Webkinz - I took a couple advil and found my hot pad - my shoulder is killing me (I think it was the cold air from the window adjacent to my side of the bed - I had it open a wee bit for fresh air and I think it was too cold last night). It is funny - Dr. Muldoon talked about how I would just feel the need to sleep - it hasn't been like that the last 3 weeks but it sure caught up to me this weekend.
Rob just got the kids to sleep and I am enjoying my nightly glass of vino. I forgot to include this last night - my girlfriend, Julie feels we should name my stoma - it should be entitled to an identity. I can't think of a name and she can't either - she thinks it shouldn't be anything warm, cuddly or nice - I am indifferent. Jules also is anticipating a bon voyage party for it at the end where we can ceremoniously say, "here lies ______" or "______ been good to me" or something along those lines. I did say to Rob this weekend that I think I was lied to - Dr. Marsh told me this past summer that in his opinion after I had completed the chemo/radiation combo that he felt I was finished with the most difficult part of this 3 part journey. With the whole hospital mess, this new body they have left me with (with attachments), the not being able to cuddle with my kiddos like I used to or pick them up - I think this 2nd part was harder for me. I did some reading about colorectal chemo drugs - there are about 8 of them - I will know this week what my cocktail will be but the side effects are similar to the ones I had with xeloda - nausea, low white blood count, hand and foot syndrome, tiredness - an added bonus is that apparently hair loss is not in the top 10 - hair thinning is.
Visualising my healthy body, my continued healthy recovery and the new normal me - whomever that shall be, Tree
We got to church just a couple minutes late - we got to preview Ellie singing while we waited. We sat in the back row - my first public experience with my ilestomy and I was just hoping it would behave and not make too many embarrassing noises - which it really didn't. Nick wouldn't go to nursery unless I came with him - so I stayed with him and we played with the trains. When service was over the children's group got together to sing - I was proud of Ellie. Our friend Jill gave me a goodie bag of anti-oxidants - I have to confess that it was opened as soon as we got home.
We stopped at Menards on the way home and picked up a couple new things for Halloween - our new neighbors are making our house look pitiful. We got a pumpkin and ghost that light up for the front windows and some bat lights we are hoping to hang from the second floor and some ghost lawn stakes. We came home and I crashed on the couch for a little bit but woke up in time to go to the open house for the new Skokie police department.
We tried to find parking in the 3 parking lots they had reserved for the open house - it was packed. We finally found a spot and walked over - Nick insisted on wearing his police costume with this hat (it is a multi-purpose hat but truly a pilot hat). We waited in line about 30 minutes before we were led in. It is a beautiful, light and airy building compared to the dark cave like building they are currently in. We got to see all the station but the department hasn't moved in yet so we really saw a bunch of empty desks and cubicles. It is funny, I think of Skokie being sort of small but yet we now have this huge police station and when you hear how many officers and investigators there are you kind of wonder what you don't know about your city. About half way through the tour we pulled ahead of our group - the new carpet smell and the smell of rubber were getting to me and I was starting to feel a bit sick.
We left with our goodie bags - police badges, pencils and rulers and headed to Mom's for family Sunday. Grandma and Grandpa GG were already there - they brought pizza - yum. Jo, Ole and and Tony didn't join us because Jo wasn't feeling so well - missed them. We had a nice dinner - Mom made roasted butternut squash, applesauce and had a salad and sliced mango to go with the pizza. Mom even had a separate bowl of avocado for me separate from the salad. We ate and had nice conversation - Nick ate caveman style and neglected to use his utensils - kind of interesting with applesauce. After I finished eating I passed out on the sofa - I was striving for a nap but it kind of just happened - Dad pulled a blanket out and covered me and that was it. Uncle Bill came while I slept and dessert was served - I couldn't eat another thing - even the carrot cake I had requested.
We left pretty soon after I woke up - we came home and put some of the ghost stakes together. I changed out all of our sheets - put flannel on the kids beds. Got some more laundry done before getting the bath ready for Nick - Rob gave him his bath. Ellie finished the ghosts and took a quick shower. Nick did some puzzles and Ellie played Webkinz - I took a couple advil and found my hot pad - my shoulder is killing me (I think it was the cold air from the window adjacent to my side of the bed - I had it open a wee bit for fresh air and I think it was too cold last night). It is funny - Dr. Muldoon talked about how I would just feel the need to sleep - it hasn't been like that the last 3 weeks but it sure caught up to me this weekend.
Rob just got the kids to sleep and I am enjoying my nightly glass of vino. I forgot to include this last night - my girlfriend, Julie feels we should name my stoma - it should be entitled to an identity. I can't think of a name and she can't either - she thinks it shouldn't be anything warm, cuddly or nice - I am indifferent. Jules also is anticipating a bon voyage party for it at the end where we can ceremoniously say, "here lies ______" or "______ been good to me" or something along those lines. I did say to Rob this weekend that I think I was lied to - Dr. Marsh told me this past summer that in his opinion after I had completed the chemo/radiation combo that he felt I was finished with the most difficult part of this 3 part journey. With the whole hospital mess, this new body they have left me with (with attachments), the not being able to cuddle with my kiddos like I used to or pick them up - I think this 2nd part was harder for me. I did some reading about colorectal chemo drugs - there are about 8 of them - I will know this week what my cocktail will be but the side effects are similar to the ones I had with xeloda - nausea, low white blood count, hand and foot syndrome, tiredness - an added bonus is that apparently hair loss is not in the top 10 - hair thinning is.
Visualising my healthy body, my continued healthy recovery and the new normal me - whomever that shall be, Tree
Saturday, October 2, 2010
A day of unexpected adventures
Rob stayed up later than usual to keep me company but didn't stay up long enough to watch the end of A League of Their Own. At the one point in the movie where one of the girls breaks down and begins to cry and Tom Hanks looks at her - I echoed the famous line - Are you crying? There's no crying in baseball. Rob looked at me and asked if I watched the same movie the previous night - I looked at him and said no it is like the best line in the movie.
In partial fear of Dr. Marsh not renewing my ativan I decided to try a half dose last night - probably not the best idea on a day with hormones out of control and anxiety about Ellie and the bully. I waited until I was constantly yawning and went up to bed. I noticed about 10 minutes later I was still not asleep - then an hour later, 2 hours later. Finally around 4AM I got out of bed and thought maybe if I went to the washroom I could fall asleep - no luck. Nick tapped my leg around 6AM and crawled into bed with us - I think I got about 3 rounds of 10-15 minutes of sleep between 6AM and 8 AM. Horrible night - I have taken my full dose of ativan already.
We had no real plans for the day - I knew I had to stop in at Mom's for a bag change out. I had read about the Ravenswood Art Walk but the weather was so icky. There was a rummage sale in Evanston. No real plans. We went over to Mom and Dad's and Nick played while Ellie, Mom and I went to change out. Ellie and I had in-depth conversation last night about "my bag" and she decided she wanted to see everything first handed. The thing with the convex wafer - it really sticks - It took a lot of slow pulling and oohs and ahhs to finally peel it away from my body. Ellie asked questions as they came to her - rapidly and we answered. My skin irritation is almost all gone - we used the stoma powder but only needed a bit. The thing that is bugging me right now is that until the stupid referrals go through to the drug company for my ostomy supplies - I am left using the stuff from the hospital which doesn't have all the bells and whistles - specifically - a gas filter on the bag which alleviates the bag pillowing and dispels the gas out of the bag - I am feeling a bit like the marshmallow man right now. I was relieved Ellie was not grossed out or vomiting my the end of the change and Mom and I are confident that if an emergency were ever to keep Mom from helping Ellie could probably fill in.
Ellie pulled about a dozen books from Mom's bookcase for Nick to look through - all about school and friends - in preparation for Nick starting preschool this coming week. We left Mom's and decided to stop by the rummage sale - I was totally thinking of the wrong church and was so bummed because if I had known it was this church I would have been there first thing in the morning - I usually load up on clothes there - what was left was a couple things for Ellie and a new overnight bag for her - Nick was very jealous. We decided since it was raining we were not going to go to the art walk and decided to have lunch out instead. We had a nice lunch at Kappy's - Nick ate his entire plate size pancake - Ellie couldn't finish hers. On the way to Kappy's we passed a shell station that was having a customer appreciation day and hey, we needed gas. We were met at the pump and the employee pumped our gas for us and offered to clean our windows. The kids got out to spin the wheel for a prize and jump in the money machine and Rob hit the big hammer game. Another employee brought me over a yellow and red carnation. The kids got popcorn and water and then headed over for a pony ride - the whole thing was awesome and bizarre all wrapped into one. The pony rides are the ones you would find at a fair or festival that usually charge about $5.00 a ride and Ellie and Nick got to ride for free. They came back to the car with their goodies - a king size candy bar, an air freshener and a couple hand fulls of candy. An unexpected adventure.
We came home and I just about collapsed on the couch. Rob took the kids downstairs to play but they eventually ended up outside watching our neighbors put out their Halloween decorations. Rob was invited to have dinner with a couple of his classmates tonight - so I had decided it was going to be Movie night. We had asked if Catherine and Su'nana could join us and we also invited Jo and Tony and Mom and Dad - it was a full house and Ole surprised us and joined us. We had dinner together - alfredo pasta courtesy of Terese and Jo bought nuggets for the kids. We had yummy desserts - brownies, pumpkin bread, cupcakes, cheesecake bites and then tons of candy for movie time. We all went downstairs and found our spots - we made a beach on the floor and the kids all camped out there. We watched Ponyo - Catherine hadn't seen it and we knew the kids would gladly watch it again. Tony and Nick half watched half played - it was a fun night.
Mom and Dad dropped Catherine off at home and Jo, Ole and Tony went home - Nick and I walked next door to see their decorations - so nice to see another family decorating on our block. I got to do something I haven't done in about a month - put the kids to sleep. I stuck with Rob's routine and Ellie and Nick got into our bed for story time and some songs - Nick was out quickly and Ellie re-located into her room for a final song.
I emailed Ms. Doolas this morning to discuss all the crap Ellie is having to go through at school and I got a response this afternoon - yesterday was the first time Ellie brought it up and it will be addressed Monday. I said I was leaning toward calling this bullying behavior and there is a school rule against that with consequences. I just need to get into the classroom - when I volunteer I have my eyes and ears in tune and can help Ellie out with some insight but there are so many kids I don't know this year I don't know if they are good seeds or bad seeds.
Visualising my healthy body, my continued healthy recovery and the new normal me - whomever that shall be, Tree
In partial fear of Dr. Marsh not renewing my ativan I decided to try a half dose last night - probably not the best idea on a day with hormones out of control and anxiety about Ellie and the bully. I waited until I was constantly yawning and went up to bed. I noticed about 10 minutes later I was still not asleep - then an hour later, 2 hours later. Finally around 4AM I got out of bed and thought maybe if I went to the washroom I could fall asleep - no luck. Nick tapped my leg around 6AM and crawled into bed with us - I think I got about 3 rounds of 10-15 minutes of sleep between 6AM and 8 AM. Horrible night - I have taken my full dose of ativan already.
We had no real plans for the day - I knew I had to stop in at Mom's for a bag change out. I had read about the Ravenswood Art Walk but the weather was so icky. There was a rummage sale in Evanston. No real plans. We went over to Mom and Dad's and Nick played while Ellie, Mom and I went to change out. Ellie and I had in-depth conversation last night about "my bag" and she decided she wanted to see everything first handed. The thing with the convex wafer - it really sticks - It took a lot of slow pulling and oohs and ahhs to finally peel it away from my body. Ellie asked questions as they came to her - rapidly and we answered. My skin irritation is almost all gone - we used the stoma powder but only needed a bit. The thing that is bugging me right now is that until the stupid referrals go through to the drug company for my ostomy supplies - I am left using the stuff from the hospital which doesn't have all the bells and whistles - specifically - a gas filter on the bag which alleviates the bag pillowing and dispels the gas out of the bag - I am feeling a bit like the marshmallow man right now. I was relieved Ellie was not grossed out or vomiting my the end of the change and Mom and I are confident that if an emergency were ever to keep Mom from helping Ellie could probably fill in.
Ellie pulled about a dozen books from Mom's bookcase for Nick to look through - all about school and friends - in preparation for Nick starting preschool this coming week. We left Mom's and decided to stop by the rummage sale - I was totally thinking of the wrong church and was so bummed because if I had known it was this church I would have been there first thing in the morning - I usually load up on clothes there - what was left was a couple things for Ellie and a new overnight bag for her - Nick was very jealous. We decided since it was raining we were not going to go to the art walk and decided to have lunch out instead. We had a nice lunch at Kappy's - Nick ate his entire plate size pancake - Ellie couldn't finish hers. On the way to Kappy's we passed a shell station that was having a customer appreciation day and hey, we needed gas. We were met at the pump and the employee pumped our gas for us and offered to clean our windows. The kids got out to spin the wheel for a prize and jump in the money machine and Rob hit the big hammer game. Another employee brought me over a yellow and red carnation. The kids got popcorn and water and then headed over for a pony ride - the whole thing was awesome and bizarre all wrapped into one. The pony rides are the ones you would find at a fair or festival that usually charge about $5.00 a ride and Ellie and Nick got to ride for free. They came back to the car with their goodies - a king size candy bar, an air freshener and a couple hand fulls of candy. An unexpected adventure.
We came home and I just about collapsed on the couch. Rob took the kids downstairs to play but they eventually ended up outside watching our neighbors put out their Halloween decorations. Rob was invited to have dinner with a couple of his classmates tonight - so I had decided it was going to be Movie night. We had asked if Catherine and Su'nana could join us and we also invited Jo and Tony and Mom and Dad - it was a full house and Ole surprised us and joined us. We had dinner together - alfredo pasta courtesy of Terese and Jo bought nuggets for the kids. We had yummy desserts - brownies, pumpkin bread, cupcakes, cheesecake bites and then tons of candy for movie time. We all went downstairs and found our spots - we made a beach on the floor and the kids all camped out there. We watched Ponyo - Catherine hadn't seen it and we knew the kids would gladly watch it again. Tony and Nick half watched half played - it was a fun night.
Mom and Dad dropped Catherine off at home and Jo, Ole and Tony went home - Nick and I walked next door to see their decorations - so nice to see another family decorating on our block. I got to do something I haven't done in about a month - put the kids to sleep. I stuck with Rob's routine and Ellie and Nick got into our bed for story time and some songs - Nick was out quickly and Ellie re-located into her room for a final song.
I emailed Ms. Doolas this morning to discuss all the crap Ellie is having to go through at school and I got a response this afternoon - yesterday was the first time Ellie brought it up and it will be addressed Monday. I said I was leaning toward calling this bullying behavior and there is a school rule against that with consequences. I just need to get into the classroom - when I volunteer I have my eyes and ears in tune and can help Ellie out with some insight but there are so many kids I don't know this year I don't know if they are good seeds or bad seeds.
Visualising my healthy body, my continued healthy recovery and the new normal me - whomever that shall be, Tree
Friday, October 1, 2010
Hormones stink
Rob and I watched Grays and Private Practice last night before Rob went up. I put on Steel Magnolias for some stupid reason - luckily I fell in and out of sleep mode finally going upstairs around 12:30. Usual morning - Nick trying to pry my eyes open and finger torture. I got the kids clothes and Ellie was off to the bus stop (I guess this is something I will need to work on in the next week - getting up in time to do morning duty). Rob had a couple errands to run so Nick and I went to Mom's for a while to play with Tony.
Nick and Tony played with trains and watched a a couple videos but Nick eventually said let's go home. We did have yummy cinnamon rolls that Mom made before we left. Nick and I came home and he asked Rob first thing if he would take him outside - and outside they went. Mrs. B stopped by with a goodie bag filled with anti-oxidants - chocolate and red wine - yum. We had a nice visit and were able to catch up and have a couple laughs. Nick came in asking for my lunch order - it was too cute and then Rob and Nick headed out to pick up lunch. Mrs. B left when the boys got back. We had lunch together - Nick helped make lemonade and then consumed 3 glasses back to back. Mrs. B had bought cookies from our fave bakery and Nick was delighted to have a special treat for dessert.
Rob and Nick came inside to play with his trains and I informed Rob that I was taking some advil and taking a nap. Rob and Nick got Ellie off the bus and stayed outside - they even put up our outdoor Halloween decorations - I am usually the decorator but they did a wonderful job and they even left me a couple things to do. I called Mom to see if Jo wanted to got to Target with me - I couldn't even guilt her into it but I needed to pick up some basics so I went by myself. When I left Kevin and Sherri (our neighbors) were outside with Rob and I got a first hand look at the decorating - we made a couple adjustments - Rob took our decorating to new heights this year (our second floor) and I just though some of the things were going to lost in the dark. We visited for a while before I made my way tot Target.
I picked up Ellie's allergy medication, creamer, paper plates - I looked through Halloween decorations but really saw nothing I felt we needed to add to our yard. I picked up some movie candy for tomorrow night and popcorn. I can't believe I haven't been to Target in 3 weeks - I swear that is a record. I came home and the kids came inside from playing. I gave them their bath and got them in their pj's. We had re-heat night and everyone seemed ok with that - everyone got to pick what they wanted and we had the clean plate club. Ellie had her Mrs. B cookie and Nick finished his while they watched an episode of Arthur. Rob and I finally got some time to talk - I asked him to consider taking another week off work - Nick will be starting preschool the end of next week and I am an emotional wreck. In the too much information department - I haven't had my period since May - I have been told by both Dr. Nanda and Dr. Marsh that they really don't know if I will or won't have it again. I know I have blogged about this before and really don't think menopause at 34 sounds like a good idea but now not having a period in months I am indifferent. The past couple days though I am constantly on the verge of tears - hormones suck.
Ellie had a bunch of questions tonight when Nick and Rob were upstairs and tears would well up in my eyes and she would look at me and ask if I need a kleenex? I think she was ok with my answers but I think she is worried again. I assured her that the port is not surgery and is just a procedure - I would be home just hours after it is inserted. Ellie finally asked some questions about "my bag". Ellie is always curious and she has been very hands off on my ileostomy - we have the doll so she knows about the "button" or "bagel" but that has been about it. We talked tonight about why I cannot eat certain foods and about food absorption and where different parts of digestion or absorption take place. We talked about how the ileostomy was formed and how it will be reversed. We talked about if I were to eat certain foods how I could have a blockage and need to go back to the hospital. Nothing was off limits and I was constantly fighting back tears.
Ellie told us today how she discussed with ms. Doolas how a particular girl in her class (the daughter of the neighbor who informed me that satan was inhabiting my body in the form of cancer) is bullying her. This girl is attempting to rule the roost and will not let Ellie join in when they are having recess and if another child tries to intervene and let Ellie play this little girl says the game is over. I have though of a couple responses - initially I was going to let Rob show her how to break a kids nose but decided against this route and I think I am going to go with - way to be a good Christian or how un-Christian of you. For all I know this family lights candles and swears of satan each night or this girl has been told not to play with Ellie because her Mom embodies satan - I don't know - all I know is I am really quite tired of this crap and I am taking off the gloves. I am about to play the cancer card and it so not going to be pretty. On the positive side - Ellie got 100% on her 1st AR test and was super excited to talk about Halloween.
Other than the back pain today and the pulling pain of the incision that is covered by the wafer - I am feeling pretty good. Visualising my healthy body, my continued healthy recovery and the new normal me - whomever that shall be, Tree
Nick and Tony played with trains and watched a a couple videos but Nick eventually said let's go home. We did have yummy cinnamon rolls that Mom made before we left. Nick and I came home and he asked Rob first thing if he would take him outside - and outside they went. Mrs. B stopped by with a goodie bag filled with anti-oxidants - chocolate and red wine - yum. We had a nice visit and were able to catch up and have a couple laughs. Nick came in asking for my lunch order - it was too cute and then Rob and Nick headed out to pick up lunch. Mrs. B left when the boys got back. We had lunch together - Nick helped make lemonade and then consumed 3 glasses back to back. Mrs. B had bought cookies from our fave bakery and Nick was delighted to have a special treat for dessert.
Rob and Nick came inside to play with his trains and I informed Rob that I was taking some advil and taking a nap. Rob and Nick got Ellie off the bus and stayed outside - they even put up our outdoor Halloween decorations - I am usually the decorator but they did a wonderful job and they even left me a couple things to do. I called Mom to see if Jo wanted to got to Target with me - I couldn't even guilt her into it but I needed to pick up some basics so I went by myself. When I left Kevin and Sherri (our neighbors) were outside with Rob and I got a first hand look at the decorating - we made a couple adjustments - Rob took our decorating to new heights this year (our second floor) and I just though some of the things were going to lost in the dark. We visited for a while before I made my way tot Target.
I picked up Ellie's allergy medication, creamer, paper plates - I looked through Halloween decorations but really saw nothing I felt we needed to add to our yard. I picked up some movie candy for tomorrow night and popcorn. I can't believe I haven't been to Target in 3 weeks - I swear that is a record. I came home and the kids came inside from playing. I gave them their bath and got them in their pj's. We had re-heat night and everyone seemed ok with that - everyone got to pick what they wanted and we had the clean plate club. Ellie had her Mrs. B cookie and Nick finished his while they watched an episode of Arthur. Rob and I finally got some time to talk - I asked him to consider taking another week off work - Nick will be starting preschool the end of next week and I am an emotional wreck. In the too much information department - I haven't had my period since May - I have been told by both Dr. Nanda and Dr. Marsh that they really don't know if I will or won't have it again. I know I have blogged about this before and really don't think menopause at 34 sounds like a good idea but now not having a period in months I am indifferent. The past couple days though I am constantly on the verge of tears - hormones suck.
Ellie had a bunch of questions tonight when Nick and Rob were upstairs and tears would well up in my eyes and she would look at me and ask if I need a kleenex? I think she was ok with my answers but I think she is worried again. I assured her that the port is not surgery and is just a procedure - I would be home just hours after it is inserted. Ellie finally asked some questions about "my bag". Ellie is always curious and she has been very hands off on my ileostomy - we have the doll so she knows about the "button" or "bagel" but that has been about it. We talked tonight about why I cannot eat certain foods and about food absorption and where different parts of digestion or absorption take place. We talked about how the ileostomy was formed and how it will be reversed. We talked about if I were to eat certain foods how I could have a blockage and need to go back to the hospital. Nothing was off limits and I was constantly fighting back tears.
Ellie told us today how she discussed with ms. Doolas how a particular girl in her class (the daughter of the neighbor who informed me that satan was inhabiting my body in the form of cancer) is bullying her. This girl is attempting to rule the roost and will not let Ellie join in when they are having recess and if another child tries to intervene and let Ellie play this little girl says the game is over. I have though of a couple responses - initially I was going to let Rob show her how to break a kids nose but decided against this route and I think I am going to go with - way to be a good Christian or how un-Christian of you. For all I know this family lights candles and swears of satan each night or this girl has been told not to play with Ellie because her Mom embodies satan - I don't know - all I know is I am really quite tired of this crap and I am taking off the gloves. I am about to play the cancer card and it so not going to be pretty. On the positive side - Ellie got 100% on her 1st AR test and was super excited to talk about Halloween.
Other than the back pain today and the pulling pain of the incision that is covered by the wafer - I am feeling pretty good. Visualising my healthy body, my continued healthy recovery and the new normal me - whomever that shall be, Tree
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